Just because I miss Grandmother so much ..

I miss our dollar store splurges, complete with cheap socks which had holes after only wearing them a few times ... I still have them AND still wear them.

I miss our Martins/Ukrops grocery runs. Those resulted in lots of pre packaged sweets, frozen meals, fruit to make preserves, hard candies and cigarettes.

Speaking of cigarettes - I miss sneaking you out to parking lot to use my car lighter for you to enjoy a smoke from time to time while in skilled nursing. You deserved those smokes.

I miss doing your laundry and folding it - even though you criticized my folding skills ( Zoa Jean Easterling , I will never measure up ? ).

I miss making your bed after washing your sheets - you were so appreciative. You always crawled in right after i made the bed, I’d cover you up (only with a top sheet though!) and you would snooze and snore the afternoon away. I miss napping together and holding your cold hands and warming up your cold feet with my warm feet.

I miss cleaning your apt and purging all of the random items you had hoarded (used plastic baggies, foil pieces, plastic utensils .. you name it, you saved it and you DEFINItELY noticed when it is was gone!

Harper never met you but she knows you. She knows which stuffed animals in her room belonged to you, knows that when she finds me teary eyed, that it’s probably because I miss you. For the past three weeks, even she has been teary eyed about you ....

- “ mommy I really miss grandmother, I want to go to heaven to see her but I can’t because I’m not sick and I’m not old”
- “mommy I’m so sad that Grandmother is all alone in heaven”
- “mommy can we go to church to sing to God and Grandmother”

I’m so grateful for your last years here and the bond we shared. I wasn’t ready for you to leave me, but I believe that you waited for me ... I walked into your hospital room, you were too sick and too tired to speak but you watched me walk through the door, winked at me, lifted your finger as if to wave and closed your eyes. You didn’t open them again after that. I crawled into the hospital bed with you and didn’t leave your side. Soon after, you took your last breaths and died wrapped up in my arms. I had my hand on your chest and and begged you not to go - I sobbed into your hospital gown - I feel guilty for that. banquet gowns

You had been fighting for so long and you were so tired. So strong, so stubborn, so feisty.

Such a heavy heart as usual but so much love, too! So many wonderful memories of grandmother, memories I will never forget.